


Lost boys

by Mathilda_Selem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Everything Hurts, James POV, James Potter is Alive, M/M, Married Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Non-Explicit Sex, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Past Relationship(s), everyone is kinda broken, mentioned canon children, mentioned canon relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26361970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathilda_Selem/pseuds/Mathilda_Selem
Summary: It is Harry's wedding, Ron is very drunk and has sex with Sirius.James and Remus are not okay with it for the same and very different reasons.to be honest nothing is okay, but somehow everything slowly falls into place.James survived the attack  that killed Lily but was mentally and physically not able to care for Harry when he was small, so he still lived with the Dursleys until he was around 13-14.End pairings are Starbucks and Harry/Ron.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Ron Weasley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. the wedding

They are weird about each other.  
Have been for a long time.  
Maybe since that thing with Lily started...or since Sirius and Remus.  
It’s not like Sirius isn’t around when James needs him. Sirius is loyal like a dog and if he feels like any of his friends is in need he’ll try his best to be there for them. He loves Harry, his godson, like his own blood and even the boy’s friends were literally adopted by Sirius.  
It’s just that Sirius isn’t really _there_ when it comes to James. As an international Auror Sirius is often gone for months, sometimes years and when he’s back there are new scars and his eyes are distant and don’t cross James’ gaze.  
Sirius’d stand politely in front of the house and wait for Harry to take him for ice cream and his face was a mask of fake smiles and shoulders drooping from exhaustion and nothing James had tried over the last decades has made him look at his face or consider coming inside the house.  
At some time James stopped trying.  
Sirius had always been there for Harry though so it should have been less of a surprise when he saw his former best friend several seats away at the wedding of Harry and Ginny.  
James was happy he didn’t have to give a speech because he was pretty sure he’d bawl like a baby. After Lily died saving their child and the medical aftermath of a sloppy curse that was supposed to kill him it had taken James years to be deemed mentally and physically healthy enough to get back custody of his son and work together with Sirius’ brother Regulus and Remus to get Sirius out of prison and back into his old job.  
It was a miracle of it’s own that Harry was able to survive the abuse from Lily’s sister, the constant danger in school and a war and still grew up being able to live a relatively normal life with a wife, a child and a white-picked fence. Oh no, now he was crying.  
Arthur Weasley’s speech and him honouring the dead, especially Ginny’s brother and Lily was the last drop that made big tears bubble from James’ eyes and fog up his glasses.  
Jamie Jr., Harry’s son, turned around in his arms and patting his fat, sticky baby hands against James’ cheeks. He snorted at the efforts of the toddler trying to console him and kissed him on the forehead before turning his attention back to the speakers.  
By now Ron, Ginny’s next-older brother and Harry _best man, best mate, best everything_ (Harry’s words, James wasn’t too sure if this was healthy), had stumbled his way through an awkward but heartfelt speech, that had enough puns in it for James to pull himself together and bark out a quite watery laugh.

It's then that he feels Sirius _looking_.  
He knows how it feels. Knows the way the hairs at the backof his neck start bristling from the intensity of dark-shadowed eyes _staring_. He’s grown up with it. Sirius looking at him like he was the reincarnation of Merlin and he would be lying of it hadn’t stroked his ego to be so obviously worshipped by someone as smart, funny and wonderful as Sirius.  
Even when Sirius and Remus just started dating and should have been in honeymoon phase, James knew perfectly well that Sirius would still be turning his head to look at him as soon as he entered a room, not Remus.  
The thing is…Remus knew that too and while everyone involved did pretend that it wasn’t a problem it ended in an ugly break-up of James’ two best friends somewhere between James and Lily’s wedding and Harry’s birth.  
James threw a nervous glance towards Remus, who sat between him and Minerva, and felt himself relax when he saw his friend still focused on the speeches. There was a hint of worry in the Remus’ features but he didn’t seem to pay attention to his ex throwing heated looks at James. which was good because this had been an issue that had let to Remus not talking with him for quite some time even though James can't remember that he ever encouraged Sirius to pay him more attention than his boyfriend.  
To be fair, Remus was actually a quite reasonable adult for a marauder and it had been over two decades since him and Sirius had broken up officially...James wasn’t too sure if they hadn’t been hooking up again every few years, but if so they’d always been quite private about it and James would rather eat his own hat than poke his nose in that specific nest of doxies.

Ron’s finished his speech and he hugs both Harry and Ginny a bit too long and to tight. The boy might be an accomplished Auror, but that didn’t make him immune to the overall teary atmosphere.  
When the redhead makes his way back to his seat he is so emotionally befuddled he knocked over a full bottle of wine and several glasses...Remus is watching darkly how Sirius, who’s suddenly in the seat beside the boy...uh...young man and pushing a glass of suspicious, whiskey-golden liquid in his hand... Ron could also be just drunk.

Ron’s drunken speech is a the prelude a lot other alcohol-induced chaos towards the later evening. Ginny’s mother takes her husband and grandchildren with her when she leaves, so that the bride and her army of older brothers can celebrate without taking care of their children. James had a couple of drinks and dances (one with the bride, one with Harry best friend Hermione, one with Minerva for old time’s sake) before finding a spot next to Sirius’ cousin Andromeda and who was almost funny as she mocked the witches and wizards on the dance floor.  
It was already pretty late when James finally said good night to the newly weds and made his way out of the reception room.  
So there’s that.  
His son is out of the house, married, a dad even...  
He probably should feel old now.  
He opens the door to the cloakroom and almost chokes on his own spit.  
“What the bloody...” he croaks looking down on a very young, very freckled arse and the spread legs of his former best friend. “Are you fucking serious...”  
“Yeah, that me...” moans Sirius behind him as James slams the door shut behind him.

The night air stings like ice on his hot face.  
It’s not even that he saw _much_ , but his brain replays and adds to the memory. Making it more and more obscene and wrong, wrong, wrong, because the kid could be their child. It doesn’t matter that Ron is a war veteran, a grown man. James remembers the kid from when he had a soprano voice and wasn’t able to reach the top shelf in the kitchen. In his mind Ronald Weasley is barely more than a child.  
It feels wrong, wrong, because James feels robbed and cheated...this Sirius isn’t _his_ Sirius. _His_ Sirius would’ve never done something like that and he feels so betrayed to witness the discrepancy between the Sirius he remembered, that was a good bloke even with all his issues, and this man that makes his godson’s childhood friend drunk to have sex with him at Harry’s wedding reception.  
James gets home, drinks half a bottle of whiskey and rants about it in front of Lily’s photo. It is a muggle picture. At some point he banned any moving picture of her from his apartment because he couldn’t stand it when the pictures looked too alive.  
It had been a long time since he’d felt this alone.  
He missed them.  
Lily and Sirius...maybe also Harry though he was happy the boy had his own home instead of staying with his depressing old man.  
He might have cut himself on the glass of the bottle...he might also have written Remus a very drunken letter...what sure is that he wakes up the next morning with his bones cracking from sleeping on the floor and dried cuts in his palms feeling like he was run over by a hoard of centaurs.


	2. Chapter 2

When James was a teenager he’d never envisioned himself to be such a settled adult. He’d expect himself to play quidditch for England, to travel the world and always to have his friends at his side.  
He hoped for Lily to be along for the ride and to support her on her quest to become the greatest attorney and for their kids to grow up safe and spent the holidays at Potter manor.  
It didn't turn out like that.  
The war shattered the dream of quidditch and a whole family quite quickly and when he was finally healthy enough to work, he had been too old for professional quidditch. As much as he had worked on getting himself to a point where he could live a half-way normal life again he’d probably never fee safe enough to travel the world alone. Lily was dead so she couldn’t be his safety net and the friendship with the remaining Marauders felt still too unstable to ask them to join him.  
So when James had to decide how to provide for his child he decided on the safest option, the one that he never wanted to choose when he was young. He took over family business and became a potion master like his father and grandfather and all his male ancestors since the twelfth century.  
He wore the same lab robes his father and grandfather used to wear and sometimes when he caught his reflection in the giant windows he felt the urge to greet it with "Hi, Dad.".  
As soon as he took up business it turned into a gold mine. The war left a high demand on well-made medical potions and there was no brand with a better reputation for results than Potter’s Potions. Most witches and wizard had grown up with Skelegro and the Pepper-up Potion, Pox-Be-Gone as well as the cosmetic ailments like sPOTTless-skin (against acne and Scars) and Sleakeazy’s Hair Potion.  
He had to win over the trustee who’d taken care of the company and James’ inheritance up ‘til that point but after he did get Mrs. Winterbottom’s and the leading house-elf’s support it was a relatively storm-free cruise.

With his profession grew also a collegial friendship between him and his best friend’s younger brother, Regulus Black. A Friendship that was deepened by their joined quest to get Sirius declared innocent. It wasn’t the same as a friendship with Sirius, of course. They were different persons after all, but Regulus was sarcastic, loyal and smart enough to ease the loneliness a little. James was thrilled that after Severus Snape had died during the 2nd wizard war, the man had applied for the position as the Potion’s teacher at Hogwarts which lead him to be on the same continent as him for a big portion of the year.  
Remus regaining his position as as Defence against the Dark Arts teacher was another incentive for finally agreeing to train the quidditch teams as Minerva had proposed to him shortly after the castle had opened the doors again.  
So after work he’d be over at the castle for at least 4 days a week and game days on weekends. He was pretty sure Minerva’d asked for this arrangement to have an eye on him in case his mental state would worsen.  
His weekly schedule was clearly not what he’d envisioned for himself as a teenager it was working rather well for James.  
Monday to Thursday he’d train each of the houses’ teams once, Friday he visited Remus and Regulus in turns, Saturday (if he wasn’t working) Harry came over with whichever Weasley was available and they’d play Quidditch in the park of Potter Manor and on Sundays he’d go to Lily’s grave or visit Frank at St. Mungo’s.  
As long as nothing disturbed his precious routine, things worked well for him and he felt almost normal.

So it wasn’t an unplanned visit that brought him to Regulus’ apartment at the castle on a Friday evening. His hair a little singed from a new ointment he was working on and wearing Lily’s old leather jacket (he was rather proud he still fit into it at his age) he entered the teacher’s room without knocking.  
A moment later he wished he hadn’t.  
Ron Weasley’s eyes widened for a moment and James could see the man’s ears turn red. The kid had always been weirdly shy around him. Being an Auror and saving lives obviously had not changed it it.  
However the reason James wished to disappear as swift as his arrival was that Sirius was there too. One arm around the younger man’s shoulders and very busy annoying Regulus.  
For a moment he really thought about just turning around leaving again. He really didn’t feel ready to look at Sirius or Ron right now. Too fresh was the memory of witnessing their copulation even after almost a year.  
However at that second Regulus looked up and their eyes crossed. There was no way he could get out of this without explaining himself and him and Regulus had plans for this evening that couldn’t be postponed. He straightened his shoulder’s inwardly and gathered his brightest smile before addressing the teacher. “How is my second favourite Black doing? You got your stuff ready for our sleepover?”, he beamed and was very proud of himself that he didn’t cringe as he saw Sirius expression crumble into first confusion then softness and eventually carefully manufactured coolness.  
“Aww, I thought I made it up to top position since last week!” pouted Regulus, greatly enjoying to mess with his older brother’s head. “Sorry, no can do!” James answered as he made a show of putting his bag with his ingredients next to the man’s desk before taking a seat on the edge of the tabletop.  
“You better come prepared yourself, Potter, because we’re not getting much sleep tonight.” Regulus laughed and James could prevent himself from smiling back. He missed seeing Sirius smile like that. Seeing the wrinkles around his eyes crinkle and the whole face and shoulders relax.  
Sirius has not laughed for him in decades.  
Sometimes James would see a proud smile out of the corner if his eyes when Harry was interacting with Sirius, but most of the time Sirius just looked tired and tense.

“Sorry, Mr. Weasley, I understand that you need this for your work but not even my brother can convince break the statutes potion distributions. Please choose to go the official way and ask the Auror’s lab to make you some.” Regulus continued a previous conversation with Ron, which explained why both aurors had visited the Potions’ teacher to begin with.  
James looked down on his hands and felt his smile slowly die on his face. Before...when they were still in each other’s pocket...Sirius would have asked _him_ whenever he needed a potion. It was the only field of magic Sirius was average in and James had been drilled to make good potions since he was old enough to hold a spoon. It wasn’t something James loved but he couldn’t deny that he was excellent at potion-making and in their teenager year it was normal for him to help his friends when ever they needed in this subject.  
Of course right now he could volunteer to help the aurors and he would gladly break the rules if Sirius had asked him but…But.  
Sirius wouldn’t ask him anymore.

When he returned from his moment of inattention he felt Sirius’ gaze still burning on him but the face carefully empty.  
The Weasley kid felt obviously uncomfortable, judging by his bright-red cheeks and ears, as he mumbled an apology and all but dragged Sirius out of the room.  
“So that’s that.” huffed Regulus as the door snapped closed.  
James nodded and tried to wipe the melancholy off his face. He failed.  
One positive aspect of his friendship with Regulus was that the Slytherin never asked or pried for information James wasn’t willing to give freely.  
They both had their own dark corners in their heart and their relationship was build on respecting the other’s privacy. Since making a variety of different truth serums was as simple cooking spaghetti for either of them, a move like this would mean a counter attack and neither of them was strong enough to deal with this kind of thing on a Friday night after a long work week.  
Making the Wolfsbane potion for Remus was a routine task for both of them. So while they waited until the potion was ready to add further ingredients, they had pizza and James helped Regulus correct some essays.  
Around four they were finally done and James fell asleep on the couch in Regulus' office while the teacher made a last round around his house and the castle before he retired to his bedroom. 

The next morning came with a door slamming open way to early and early morning light surrounding Sirius’ haggard figure in the door frame. James grunted due to the rude wake-up and blinked towards the blurry person in the door as he he blindly groped for his glasses and came in sitting position.  
“James...” growled the man sounding equally tired and surprised. Despite have seen him the previous evening, he probably didn’t expect James to sleep on his brother’s couch wearing Slytherin pyjama pants and a university t-shirt.  
“Whatsamatter...”croaked James and adjusted his glasses feeling weirdly young and vulnerable in his soft, pizza-stained attire compared to Sirius who was still wearing combat boots and auror uniform.  
“Why are you here?” asked Sirius and started avoided to look at him again.  
“Every second Friday is potion-night with Regulus.” shrugged James and mustered the early visitor. Sirius looked like he hadn’t slept. His hair, which he been so proud of in the past, seen unwashed, stringy. There were dark circles under his eyes and the skin was taut over his bones.  
The man probably didn’t have proper food or sleep in weeks.  
“You gonna stay for breakfast, mate?” he asked gingerly as he got up and stretched with a loud crackle. “Regulus’s gonna probably sleep ‘til noon, but I think Harry said he’d bring the kids over for lunch, so...” his voice died of.  
It is difficult to talk to someone that so desperately trying to look at you.  
“Mate...”  
Sirius pulled his shoulders high.  
“I...I thought you and Reg...I thought...” he muttered more to himself than towards James and then really, really quiet and almost shy “I am still your favourite Black?”  
“A bloody dumb knobhead is what you are.” grumbled James as he busied himself with making tea.  
“I’m not the one that didn’t want to be mates anymore. I never stopped liking you, Sirius.” he clanked the tea net a bit more violently into the pot than necessary.  
“It’s you that shut me out. Who didn’t talk to me anymore...” he slammed the tea pot down on the counter and turned around. Sirius looked like beaten dog staring down on the tips of his shoes.  
“You’re not even able to look at my fucking face anymore!” he growled growing more and more agitated. “instead you go off fuck the childhood friend of _my_ son, that _you co-parented_ and...Would you fucking look at me when I’m talking to you?” he hissed with all the venom he could muster and Sirius finally, _finally_ looked up and stared at him out of sad, dark eyes. James really wanted to pull him close and tell him everything would turn out ok.  
“I’m sorry.” croaked Sirius and cowering into himself like a mistreated child and James huffed and feels his anger dissipating. Before Sirius could retreat he made the last steps that part them and roughly pulled the others head against his shoulder.  
To his surprise Sirius doesn’t protest he just sort of melts into the embrace. Like all he’d waited for the last decades had been just James to hold him just like that. Like this hug was all that was needed to make things okay again. James wasn't not stupid...things’d probably never be ok again.  
“You better be, Pads. If we weren’t mates I’d’ve hexed you. I’ve seen the kid grow up, I never wanted to see his fucking arse.” he mumbled and felt the other grow tense against his body.  
“I _am_ fucking angry with you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you anymore, Pads.”  
Sirius arms circle around his ribcage and tentatively he returns the hug.  
“I miss you.” he croaked and James just hummed in agreement.


End file.
